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My children don’t want to see the other parent. Do I need to force them?

Written by Karen-Anne Cornell

This is one of the most common questions put to a family lawyer following separation.

What you need to know

If you are the parent with whom the children live and they are saying they do not want contact with the other parent, there may be a number of reasons for the children’s resistance to spend time with your ex-spouse.

In some rare instances, child abuse may be alleged. If the children have experienced domestic violence by the other parent towards you or themselves, this can also play heavily on their minds. However, if neither of these factors apply, the children may be aligning themselves with the parent with whom they feel most connected. Alternatively, it may be the case that they have simply not seen the other parent for quite some time and have anxiety around spending further time with them. It is important to talk to your children about the situation without judging them or giving them any negative messages about the other parent. It is also advisable to talk to the other parent wherever this is possible to try to resolve matters without the intervention of the court.

Ultimately, if the children are not at risk of harm in the other parent’s care, it is more beneficial for children to have the benefit of two loving parents in their lives. While not apparent now, they could suffer feelings of abandonment later in life, which is not healthy for their long-term well-being.

If the matter cannot be resolved without litigation, these are the factors the court will take into account:

  • 1. Section 60B(1) of the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) provides that the objects of the Act are to ensure that the best interests of children are met by:- (a) ensuring that children have the benefit of both of their parents having a meaningful involvement in their lives, to the maximum extent consistent with the best interests of the child; and (b) protecting children from physical or psychological harm from being subjected to, or exposed to, abuse, neglect or family violence; and (c) ensuring that children receive adequate and proper parenting to help them achieve their full potential; and (d) ensuring that parents fulfil their duties and meet their responsibilities concerning the care, welfare and development of their children.
  • 2. In Mazorski v Albright (2007) 37 Fam LR 518 at [26], Brown J said the definition of “meaningful” is synonymous with “significant”, “important” or “of consequence”.
  • 3. There only needs to be the chance of a meaningful relationship for the court to consider that the children should spend time with the other parent, regardless of their resistance to do so, (Cotton & Cotton (1983) FLC 91-330 at 78,252).
  • 4. If no unacceptable risk factors are present, the court will want the children to start spending graduated time with the absent parent (potentially in a therapeutic reunification regime).
  • 5. If court orders have been made for the children to spend time with the other parent, it may not considered a reasonable excuse to breach court orders by simply saying that the children do not want to go. It is expected that the resident parent will try to encourage them to do so, and penalties may apply if a contravention application is filed, (see Cartland & Cartland).

If you find yourself in the situation where your children express a wish not to communicate with your ex-partner or spouse, it can be one of the most distressing things you may ever face. It is vital, therefore, that you obtain sound legal advice as quickly as possible. We are highly experienced family lawyers who can guide you safely through this difficult time and help you to achieve the best possible outcome, for you and your children, no matter the circumstances.

To book your free no obligation consultation contact us today so we can protect you and your family to navigate your way through this highly complex journey.